In the Moment: Why I'm choosing to focus on the present

In high school, I constantly felt like I was asking the question: How is this going to impact my future? Or more accurately: How is this going to impact my chances of getting into college? Every activity I pursued, every class I took or exam I completed had to positively answer this question. And for the vast majority of my high school career, I felt like I succeeded in meeting this high standard I'd set. It was hard, no question, and certainly included many nights up late studying or long afternoons spent organizing activities for clubs. But come application time I felt confident that I had put myself in a good position to achieve my goals. That didn't make waiting any easier, of course. In the months leading up to the college decision release days, I dealt with insomnia far greater than anything I'd ever experienced before. I literally couldn't sleep; I'd lay in bed for hours on end staring at my ceiling and thinking of every possible scenario, from the joyous acceptances to the potentially crushing rejections. For weeks I averaged maybe 4 hours of sleep, max, per night, and felt like a walking zombie for most of the day. Then application decisions were released, and after seeing that my worst-case-scenario of every single one of my schools rejecting me didn't come to fruition, I was finally able to breathe (and sleep) again. After careful consideration, I ultimately ended up excitedly committing to Northwestern University in what was undoubtedly the best decision I've made to date. But that's another story.

© Justin Shaw, "Northwestern Unveils Plans for New Football Stadium." 2022

I want to talk about what happened immediately after that decision (i.e., the last quarter of my senior year). I don't think many of us have to think that hard to remember what life was like during the COVID-19 quarantine period in March of 2020. Not all of it was bad - I read a lot books, took daily walks with my mom, and got to bed at a reasonable hour most nights. (It's important to note that this is speaking only to the change in routine everyone endured during this time and is not in anyway minimizing the severity of the coronavirus pandemic, evidenced by the millions of American lives lost due to contracting COVID-19.) But it was also unimaginably isolating, and as an extreme extrovert, that was undeniably the part that I had the most trouble adjusting to during that period. I had been attending virtual school for the first two quarters of the school year, but new CDC guidelines made my parents confident enough to send me and my siblings back in-person for the final part of the school year.

To say I was ecstatic would be an understatement. Everyone may have been in masks, but it was the most "normal" social setting I'd experienced since the lockdown period began a year prior. I had missed seeing my friends in-person and having that daily interaction with other people. (I was definitely talking to my dog way too much during quarantine, but at least he's a good listener.) And as a senior already into college, I didn't have the same academic pressures I'd had in years past, which meant that I could truly just enjoy my last few months of high school. That isn't to say that I didn't still study for exams or have homework at night, but the additional stress from upcoming college applications and the resulting pressure to be "perfect" was finally removed. That quarter was by far the most fun I'd had in my four years of high school, but it was also the time when I experienced the most growth as a person. I learned to advocate for myself and to speak up for what I wanted and deserved. I realized that people genuinely liked me for me and that I didn't have to change myself to fit what I thought others would prefer. I became more confident in myself as both a student and a young woman, and I was truly just happy. I was focused on the today and the now, and this shift in perspective allowed me to mature in ways I would have never thought possible just one year prior.

Life doesn't often give us the chance to slow down given the daily pressure and stressors we experience on a daily basis. There have definitely been times throughout college where I've felt as if everything was moving at 1000 miles per hour and even finding the time to sleep seemed impossible. Unfortunately, the pressure only seems to mount as I move towards junior year and life after college becomes an imminent reality. (How did that happen!) The difference now, though, is that I understand the importance of valuing the present. If you're always looking ahead on what you should do in the future, then you miss so much of what you can be doing today. Further, recovering from this long-term injury [detailed in my previous blog post here] has really helped emphasize to me the importance of focusing on one day at a time, in addition to concentrating on what I can control in the moment. When I look back on my college experience, I don't only want to remember the nights spent studying at the library or preparing for exams. I want to know that I gave myself the opportunity to make memories outside of the classroom - to develop lasting friendships, maybe to try something new. I want to know that I grew not only as a student, but as a person and a confident, young woman.

You never get this moment back, so you better make the most of it.